Arsenal vs. Manchester United

What the feck is with the pitch?
Why are our players slipping?
 
What's wrong with the mics? Can't hear our fans at all.
 
feck me sideways. That's in..in a parallel universe.
 
Why was Val not running at the keeper there?
Couldve been a tap in
 
I've got a great strategy to win this game...how about we score five more?