I, the undersigned, am surprised, disappointed, nauseated and disgusted that the FA have callously decided to piss directly into the faces, mouths and hearts of men who walk tall. Men in shirts, shirts of Liverpool pride, mouth-pissed in by men in blazers, the blazers of London shame. I refer, of course, to the decision to hand down an eight match ban to that South American feller we've got upfront who's been knocking them in.
It is absolutely extraordinary that the FA have chosen to take the word of a woolyback – and a French woolyback, from that France – over the word of a Liverpool man, who they say made racist remarks but he says he never. I believe him. I shouldn't be surprised if he wasn't even on the pitch at the time but apparently, that counts for nothing. The bizzies'll say he was, but they're in on it too. The boys in blue, Everton, the blazers, all trying to do down Liverpool Football Club.
It's especially galling when you think about all the work that Liverpool has done to fight racism. We hold all men to be equal, regardless of race, creed, colour, or especially the city they come from. We have been at the forefront of combating racism against Liverpudlians in particular. Look at our successful track record. When Carla Lane's Bread was dropped after just 13 series in a blatant act of anti-Liverpudlian racism, it was Liverpudlians, strong and proud and gloriously unsuccessfully, who fought to have it reinstated. When Stan Boardman was overlooked as Stand Up Comedian Of The Year at the Channel 4 Comedy Awards from 1989 through till 2009 it was Liverpudlians like me, walking tall with heart and passion, who stood as one, alone but never walking alone, outside their offices in protest, in solidarity with myself.
How can you say that any Liverpudlian could be anti-black? Some of our finest citizens are black. Cilla Black, for a start. It's especially ironic that with this decision, the FA are quite literally forcing Cilla Black to eat a Frenchman's shit out a replica of the FA Cup personally pissed in by every last one of those man in blazers. Passion and pride.
Then there was that Barnes feller we signed. Pioneers we were, Liverpool, signing a black player as early as 1987 and I'll admit I wasn't sure at first, especially when he cut up rusty when I approached him and tried to touch his hair. How was he gonna cope, playing in proper football boots and that? But over the next several years we took him to our heart and we'll forever have fond memories of the man we always knew affectionately as “the black player”.
Anyway, this South American feller, he's from South America, right? That's black, isn't it? So the FA are saying, basically, he was being racist against himself? Madness.
We can see what's happening here. Basically, Moyes, Ferguson, the FA, they see Liverpool Club growing in size, stature and glory, putting together a run which means that a place in the Europa League next season is a serious outside possibility, and they want to put down quite literally the greatest football club the world has ever seen. They see “King” Kenny Dalglish growing, maturing and developing as the man of the future and they're scared out of their wits. They hate the guts in our heart, the belly in our pride. They've doctored up this racism thing, which he never, just to get back at us for winning. Well, I for one am determined that this feller, that we clear his name, whatever it is.
Which is why I demand here and now that this eight match ban be reduced, on appeal, to an eight second ban, suspended. Otherwise, be advised that the consequences will be blacker than any Frenchman. Oh, yes. Do you want Stevie Gerrard to play for England in Euro 2012? 'Cos if this decision is upheld, I promise you now, we can withdraw him. And then you'll be sorry. As the late, great Bill Shankly said, “Aye, the pitch is rectangular and the ball is round. But without players, there's no game, laddie, no game.” Think on. Be warned.