What do you mean by homophobic? I understand it to be an irrational dislike of a group of people just because they are gay.
Mainstream religions are not homophobic, but they mostly maintain that marriage is between a man and a woman for life and sex outside marriage is wrong. This by definition leads them to be against gay marriage and gay sexual relationships - it also leads them to be against heterosexual relationships outside marriage. Being against gay marriage isn't being homophobic, it's about the definition of marriage. People like the man you describe at your wife's office have a problem, they can hang it onto a religion if they want but there's no basis for that.
There are many people (both gay and straight) who have a Christian faith but don't always live the way their Church would like them to live, I'm one of them - I got divorced and then remarried. I accept that's not right in the eyes of my own Church and I acknowledge that it's at odds with their definition of marriage.
Let's not make this tragedy and the deaths of all these innocent people into something other than what it is - the actions of one violent and troubled man, who may or may not have thought he was acting in the name of his religion but clearly wasn't doing that at all, he was just full of hate.
I must say
@Penna that paragraph is one of the most eloquent definitions I have read because you express a very complicated subject with simplicity and clarity.
As a Muslim, I've often struggled with what my religion preaches and integrating that with what I have learned being born into a western and predominantly agnostic/atheist country.
Simple human nature leads me to believe that murder, violence, or deliberately seeking to emotionally abuse another person is wrong NO MATTER WHAT.
There can be no grey area on this matter. That collides with the belief of some that 'free speech' must be admissible, even if it is grievously offensive. I have still not reconciled my final opinion to this but have to tolerate it, if I am to live in the UK. Im fine with that.
Likewise, I think adoption of children by homosexual people to be unnatural. Its a basic fact of biology: If gay people were meant to conceive, they would be able to produce children. My parents adopted a child (aged 2 months, now 22 years old) and its a huge challenge. I hope Im wrong, but let see how this first generation of 'children adopted by gay parents' turn out when they late teens and adults. If its broadly successful, I'm open to change my mind. But I'm not convinced.
However, just because I have this opinion does not mean I'm homophobic:
Firstly: Islam says respect the laws of the land and so the laws of the UK or multinational companies I have worked for prohibit me from exercising homophobic decisions: As a proudly law abiding citizen I take that into consideration in every decision I take when I encounter LGBT persons: be that hiring them for a job or encountering them in my social life. I once worked for a gay boss and had several gay friends, some of them muslims. I never come close to being aggressive with any of them because of their sexual orientation .. though I have been because one supported Chelsea
Secondly Islam prohibits violence in every situation (except lawful warfare) and instructs that you engage with people with kindness to express your opinion, whilst being respectful of theirs. And I have had fantastic debates with many of the gay people I have encountered.
I suspect 99% of Muslims I know in the west are the same. Perhaps not in Muslim dominated countries, but thats another matter.
Every-time one of these atrocities happen, I question myself if Im actually a Muslim:
How come I don't have the need or urgency to kill or harm people I dislike?
How come I don't misconstrue or take out of context verses in the Qu'ran?
How come I can live with ideological and cultural conflicts without the need to resort to violence?
Very quickly I work out these people are misguidedly appropriating their actions with Islam and so
Muslims will need to continue saying and saying and saying what I realise every time:
Islam does not condone such actions and as a human being and a Muslim, I am horrified.
People who say it does are liars and use Islam to provide misguided validity to their warped and violent personal desires.
Why can't these people perform the Islamic instruction of influencing through logic, reason or kindness. And if you can't, gracefully move aside or cease contact and leave it to God to decide in the hereafter.
This man may have been born into a Muslim family, may even have practiced certain Islamic beliefs and traditions BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN his final murderous actions were Islamic, no matter what he may personally claim. Those were to do with his own demons and mental malfunctions.
Likewise, in this ever increasing globalised and technologically enabled world, having a myopic opinion that 'Im always right cos I'm a liberal' is naive and self defeating. Cultural Colonialism is the oldest power trick in the book, practiced by all great religions, civilisations and countries over the entirety of human history (including Christianity and 'Great' Britain!). We are fast evolving into a harmonised global value system and people in all geographically defined spaces will have to give a bit and take a bit, if we are to live harmoniously with one another. Having lived in or visited over 70 countries, I must say that modern day UK is one of the very best examples of that in the world today. But that is a vastly different topic!
Its worth me pointing out that even as someone who has many years of global cultural exposure and after much study, debate and thought, Im not perfect, don't have my own answers to several unresolved issues and strive to enhance my understanding over time.
Of course this specific instance is triple layered with the additional issues of Gun Control in the USA and homophobia existing in many other communities in addition to some Muslims. If I were to make a judgment on which of these three it is most closely related. I'd say its a Gun Control crime; Islam's view on gays is a related fact.
I'll end with a simple Islamic prayer I always read when Im emotionally affected by news of death and is meant with the best intentions:
May all those murdered be generously rewarded for all their great virtues and be forgiven for any sins they may have committed.
God know's best.
Amin.