1, Its not being misunderstood, you are trying to ignore the most important statistic given out in the whole debate by making spurious points about percentages of trade with various EU members states. The UK pays 8 billion a year to lose 68 billion a year in trade. The size of the market you could sell into isn't of any value in and of itself if you are clearly not selling into it. Now if the UK were not already inside the EU then you might be able to sell possible future growth in sales but the UK has been in the thing for over forty years.
2, So my view is the EU would because they sell more to the UK than the UK does to the EU and sales are price sensitive. The biggest problem in the negotiations will land straight in the EU negotiators lap once article 50 is triggered. Since the UK is quite happy with the status quo trade wise and can propose that and from an economic point of view in generating wealth right across Europe its the best way to go for both sides and all the people who live in the EU. Thats a strong argument and one the EU, if your thinking about it is correct, is on the wrong side of.
The EU unless I missed it doesn't have a position on what level of tariffs it wants to bring in yet. Once it suggests a rate and the sectors it plans to impose them on, then those sectors, businesses and industries will lobby their govt's to stop the bullshit and make a deal. In that sense the current stand off suits both sides but it won't hold.
3, Also, I think your view on world history corrupts your thinking on this matter as does your obsession with cherries and things some politicians say while campaigning.