I am using the first table from a Brexiter source. Just look at the countries who take the most. Now Poland, Romania, Hungary. Bulgaria and the Czech republic are enjoying unprecedented economic growth. Malta is not included but I assure you its more of the same. Which means that these countries had benefited greatly from the EU, they can now hold on their own and while cutting in the EU budget won't be desirable they can probably take the hit, especially if the UK automobile industry ends up pitching camp there
Meanwhile if Frankfurt or Paris can nick a big chunk of the UK services then they will probably be able to pay more.
The Brexiters assured us that the EU is desperate to give the UK unrestricted access to the single market (remember the Prosecco theory). Well...till now the ones begging for a trade deal is the UK. They told us that the EU is on the brink of collapse and countries will now flock to leave. It didn't happen either. They told us that Turkey is set to join, flooding the EU with millions of Turks. Erm you get the drill. Maybe they overrated this hand too?
Now I can come with two explanations to it
a- The EU has a very strong hand which allows them plenty of fire power not to be flexible. That is a valid argument with one flaw ie why aren't they negotiating on trade? Things can be done concurrently even though the EU has a very strong hand. After all everything is decided at the end right?
b- The EU simply wants to humiliate the UK and let it leave without a deal.