I'm personally at a true loss for words, and a conflict in emotions.
Kobe was my favourite sports star, of all time - he epitomised exactly what an athlete should be, in my mind - especially at such a young age, he was woven into my childhood.
At the same time, he is a true representation of rape culture - a man with power who was able to silence the victim of said abuse (whether directly, intentionally, or unknowingly - none of us will ever know) and get away with his actions, with no punishment.
In his death, it reinforces how we don't have a way to discuss someone like him - both the good and the bad, he's either a hero or a villain, and depending on which side of the line you believe him to fall on, you will discuss either the good or the bad.
Humans are much more complex than that, we are not supposed to be static.
It's not for us (as fans of Kobe) to try and silence the victim, or those who support the victim - it isn't for us to decide how much hurt they feel even in his death, it isn't for us to decide when people can discuss his rape. And it certainly isn't for us to water it down, it was rape.
Your heroes can be seen in a different light by others, especially when they've done horrible things, and there wouldn't be a need to say 'now's not the time to talk about that' if whatever the 'that' is about, didn't actually occur. It's not unfair, and it is valid to hear survivors stories at all times - we can't decide when harm should be forgiven.
I truly believe that he went on to be a better man than the one who committed the act in the first place. In the same way I believe criminals can be redeemed & rehabilitated.
Kobe did a lot of great work for collegiate basketball, women's basketball, youth basketball - and of course the NBA. His family appeared to love him, especially Gigi - she looked at him like nobody else mattered in the world - he mattered a lot to his friends, his community, his family & his friends.
But it's not up to me or the fans to grant him redemption, or forgiveness. Nobody, but the victim, can decide that.
& if he's never forgiven, then that's just it - and that's okay too.
That's the thing, if you hurt someone you can't go and erase it, or pretend it didn't happen, or try to justify it - but being mad that people are discussing his actions, or being mad that people haven't forgiven him because you personally love him so much, is you being mad that the victims existence makes you uncomfortable, and deflects from your personal admiration for the man.
It's not an impossible situation to put yourself in, and it's something i've grappled with since his passing. It doesn't take away from my grief, it doesn't take away from his accomplishments or his importance in history. He isn't just 'a rapist', in the same way he isn't just 'a basketball player' - that's obtuse.
I don't believe there is a balanced way to discuss exactly who he is, because of who he is.
