Let's have a look at theirs then:
Luke Shaw £27m - Fat bastard, shit overrated English player, can't stop making a public tit of himself on Twitter. It's all gone to his head, clearly needs reigning in. Will probably end up at QPR.
Ander Herrera - £30m Slow, thick, overrated. Poor man's Gareth Barry.
Marcos Rojo - £16m Roundly slagged off by pundits before the world cup, now he's grrrrreat apparantly. Actually shit. Off to prison.
Daley Blind - £14m Daddy's boy, only reason he's even in the game. Jack of all trades, master of feck all. Apart from one speculative long ball that fluked it's way into the net off Van Persie's oversized bonce has done precisely feck all in football to warrant a big transfer, but hey, he's Danny Blind's boy don't ya know? (Who incidentally was another shit, dirty, overrated c*nt).
Radamel Falcao - £12m Past it old c*nt. Money whore. Will be on crutches again before Christmas. Will then bang in 15 goals during the run in and will then be off to Madrid, where his heart truly lies, when United finish 6th and it transpires the buyout clause was conditional on United qualifying for the Champions League.
Angel Di Maria - £1billion dollars. Waif like super model, cry baby, Dobby. Couldn't hack it when someone prettier came in. Really wishes he was still at Madrid.
Louis Van Hahahaal - Dinosaur. Angry man. Paranoid schizophrenic. Looks like a turtles head.