Another way to look it is as follows: If you are someone with a moral compass who believes that certain rules and norms within Democratic governance represent the foundation of how states should operate domestically and internationally - as in credible, inclusive, and transparent elections, freedom of speech and press, a vibrant and active civil society, human rights, freedom of assembly etc), then you have to concede that organizations like NATO, the EU, and the like, have every right to expand and accept new states who are interested in participating in intergovernmental or supranational governance. This sort of expansion was an organic drift of Democracy and Democratic institutions eastward following the cold war and can't under any credible assessment be perceived as a military threat to Russia.
I can give the same answer as
@Mihajlovic: I do have a moral compass which I'm very assured of. It's only that it is not linked to loyalty to a specific political entity the way yours is to Western democracy (or as I would rather put it: Western democracy's ideological self-description).
The problem with this self-description is that it has to deny that Western societies, like all societies in human history so far, are ultimately based on violence. Externally, in form of militarily backed foreign policy (Clausewitz says hi), as well as internally as a necessary means to preserve its social order.
So this narrative does not blend well with the fact that a pretty significant part of the population of those supposedly non-violent societies is working for agencies comissioned with the use of physical/lethal force (military, police, prison system, private security services etc.). Or the fact that its governments engaged in what you call non-threatening foreign policy have an arsenal of weaponry at their command that can eradicate all life on earth within a few minutes.
And in a way I'm at least partly with you, as I'm aware that I was just talking about the nicer societies in the world, which then again says something about its current general state.
So in a democracy, violence as the foundation of social order is the very big and very pink elephant in the room. And I think your misjudgement concerning the fundamental threat NATO's Eastern Europe policy is posing to Russia is ultimately grounded in this denial.
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To back up my argument and draw the line to the topic of the thread: Here's an open letter to the Clinton administration from 1997, urging them not to invite the first round of Eastern European candidates to join NATO, because of the severe negative impact this expansion would have on relations with Russia. The authors pretty much predicted the development of the 20 years since then within their first three points.
The subscribers are not some peace activists, celebrities and whatnot, but members of the very elite of the US government and military, including several senators, two retired admirals (one having been director of the CIA), two former ambassadors to Moscow, key Cold War strategist Paul Nitze, and former Secretary of Defence Robert McNamara (whom I somehow suppose you don't like). The rest of the list is just as impressive, mostly veteran defense experts of all sorts.
http://www.bu.edu/globalbeat/nato/postpone062697.html
Have they all grossly misunderstood the nature of NATO politics, despite having spent their professional lives contributing to it - many in key positions - during and after the Cold War?